5th August 2009
KUNMING: AN AMUSING BUT UNEVENTFUL STAY
We left Xishuangbanna for Kunming on an 11 hour bus ride. Mei directed us to one of 2 bus terminals and we mimed to a lovely Chinese boy that we wanted a sleeper ticket to Kunming. After being stared at constantly for a couple of hours we then departed on our ‘sleeper day bus’. This is a bus formed with beds that you can lie down on, instead of seats.
Now, the Chinese may not be great at many things other than farming rice, but they have got it down pat with buses. You’d never get away with it in England, for health and safety reasons, but I have never been on a better bus in my life.
You are assigned a bed, which has a mattress, blankets and sometimes even a pillow. And off you go to sleep. Everyone is really quiet – including the Chinese – and 11 hours feels like 2, as you drift in and out of sleep, listening to Sade, Lovers Rock on your ipod.
The only draw back to the marvellous day-bus was the dead lady lying next to me. The poor woman was clearly terminally ill. She could barely move unaided and wore a nappy. I suppose her family were either taking her to Kunming to get better health care or back to where she grew up, so she could go in peace. She smelled like 3 day old broccoli. I thought I could never cope with the stench and of course, she was placed right next to me. After a while I failed to notice it. Her little granddaughter came and nestled in next to the dead lady on the bed from time to time, cuddling up close. It was quite sad really.
We stopped every few hours at a service station so people could stretch their legs and use the ‘facilities’. At one service station – which comprised of a couple of huts and a mass of cement – we were a little peckish. They appeared to be serving food, in a kind of buffet style. An open kitchen at the back and seating at the font. You could just make out the frantic woman cooking and bustling about behind the gusts of steam.
I braved some rice and bones and did not die, despite the Lonely Planet’s warning. The Chinese stuck right in to the service station food, spitting bones and gristle on the floor. I put my feet on a little chair, out of the way of the spit and a man from the bus came over to me and shouted at me in Chinese to get my feet off the chair. Unbelievable.
The facilities were possibily the closest thing to Lizzie’s worst nightmare that we could encounter. In each of the service stations we patronized, we were faced with squat latrines without doors. The Chinese are curious enough about western people, and stare constantly. But to be faced with two blonde girls using their toilets was too much for them! There were getting as close as possible and gawping at us while we went about our business. Talk about stage fright!
We arrived in Kunming late at night. We had acquired a Jewish boy from the day-bus and shared a taxi with him to The Hump hostel. It has turned out to be a great choice with the best bathrooms we have seen anywhere else in China. There are multiple areas for travellers to chill out and socialise – and for once, people have deigned to talk to us!
We made friends with an amusing group of lads who have been staying in the hostel for about 3 weeks. They have formed a ‘band’ and written several very entertaining songs, mostly taking the piss out of various other characters who have been staying at the hostel long-term. Our particular favourites were entitled: In the Corridor and If I was blind my girlfriend would be French … “You say fromage, and I say cheese. You say s’il vous plait and I say please.” They encouraged us to join in and harmonise. We went for dinner with one of them to My Favor Steak. Which he had found amusing for the misquoted title.
The intention of visiting Kunming was to visit The Stone Forest, Louping (massive waterfalls), the Golden Temple and Bamboo Temple. In the three days we have been here, we have managed to achieve none of these things. The weather has been horrendous and so we have used the time to plan the next leg of our journey and advance book other flights.
We did however manage to find a Hagan Daaz shop, where we treated ourselves to a £5 sundae with sprinkles and were told we were beautiful by the very lovely waiter. Arrr. Simple things.
Lizzie fatefully ordered ‘simple chicken’ from the menu. It was shown as a picture of a sliced up plain chicken breast. Sadly, but qite predictably, this is what she was presented with. I removed them for her before she lost her rag and she was left with plain rice 😦
It’s a shame we didn’t get to see the things we actually came to see, but never mind. It has been a nice break and a good recharge. We fly east to Guilin today.
Stayed: Hump Hostel, Jinmabiji Square, Jinbi Road, Kunming, Yunnan Province
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